we have pet lesbian snakes
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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