put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
