Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
