meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
