Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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