the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I look better un-naked...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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