does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
