I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
