I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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