I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When are your genitals available?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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