omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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