God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
