I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
