so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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