i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Randomize
