we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
