Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
