At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
