I could have mohawked her pubes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sober January is a disaster.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
