guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
