I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
