dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
