I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
vagina is talking i cant
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
