I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
