I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want her autograph on my taint
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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