I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
