my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
