I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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