it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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