dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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