i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
