4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I stole a fireplace last night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You ate ashes out of my bong
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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