My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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