we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my shit smells like andre
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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