drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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