I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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