He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
