im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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