The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
