I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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