i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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