Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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