I heard we made out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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