Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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