my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
