my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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