but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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