I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
