Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
