In the future we'll all be gay
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
