she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
